Kepler Wants to Move to Australia

(4 Minute Read)

Woof! Woof!
This is Kepler, Master’s Jack Russell terrier, writing another article for Master’s Bible-Science Guy Blog.

I have a Big Announcement to make today.

I have decided to move to Australia!

I told my plan to my buddy Henry, a Silky Terrier whom we adopted several years ago. He was stunned.

Henry: “Why in the world do you want to move to Australia, Kepler?”
Kepler: “Because I love Kangaroos!”
Henry: “How do you know what kangaroos taste like?”
Kepler: “Master got me this bag of kangaroo meat dog food. I ate it and decided right away: we have to move to Australia and eat kangaroos. They are delicious!”
Henry: “What is kangaroo meat like?”
Kepler: “Kangaroo meat is a flavorful lean red meat. The Great Creator made kangaroo meat to be high in protein, low in fat, and a rich source of vitamins and minerals. People usually cook it medium or medium rare so that it doesn’t get too tough. But I like it raw best. Yum! Yum! Yea for roo meat!”
Henry: “Will they let you eat kangaroo in Australia? Is that legal?”
Kepler: “In Australia, the kangaroo population of 50 million is more than double the human population of 24 million. Kangaroos are viewed as pests because they damage property, trample crops, compete with livestock for food and water, and even attack people. In fact, Australian officials are urging people to hunt and eat kangaroos. I can hardly wait to get to Australia — to chase kangaroos and eat roo meat!”
(See Australians told to eat more kangaroo and
Wild boxing kangaroo knocks Australian jogger unconscious.)

Henry: “Have you ever seen episodes of Skippy the Bush Kangaroo? It was a TV show about a boy and his pet kangaroo Skippy. Wouldn’t eating roo meat be like eating that cute little roo Skippy? Just like you couldn’t eat Bambi, could you?”
Kepler: “I have no problem eating Skippy or Bambi. They would both taste great, being especially tender. Besides, the Great Creator gave permission to eat animals after Noah’s Flood.” (Genesis 9:3)
Henry: “Did you know people all over the world eat our cousins? I heard about it from Master’s friends at church returning from a short-term missions trip to Thailand. At first I thought they were talking about delicious hot dogs they enjoyed there. But no; they ate real dogs. They horrified me with their enthusiasm for how good the little Thai dogs tasted.”
Kepler: “Yes, I know that people eat dog meat, but I don’t like to think about it. Worldwide, people eat 25 million dogs yearly. China, South Korea, and Vietnam are the leading consumers of dog meat. We have to stick close to Master when we travel, because as of 2018 it is legal to eat dogs in 43 states.”
Henry: “Well we have a vested interest then in promoting a kangaroo diet. Would Master like kangaroo steaks?”
Kepler: “I’m sure he would. I’ve never seen him turn down any kind of steak. You know how he teases PETA people by saying he’s behind them all the way. Then he says that he’s part of People Eating Tasty Animals. They are never amused. He really does love animals — on his plate with mashed potatoes and gravy.”
Henry: “Why does he always say ‘mashed potatoes,’ Kepler?”
Kepler: “Beats me. His stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.”

Kangaroo Meat for sale in
Melbourne, Australia

Henry: “Where is Australia?”
Kepler: “Not sure. The word means southern land. So I presume it’s somewhere in the Southern Hemisphere.”
Henry: “Southern Hemisphere! How will you get to Australia, Kepler?”
Kepler: “I will ask Master and Missus to move to Australia and take us with them. If they won’t go to Australia with me, I will ask Master for money for a plane ticket. I will find a new master in Australia.”
Henry: “Isn’t Australia too far to travel to all by yourself on a plane piloted by who knows whom?”
Kepler: “Not at all. My brother Finn moved to Poland and did just fine. Besides, I will buy a cockpit seat so that I can keep an eye on the pilot, just like I keep an eye on Master when he drives.”
Henry: “Will your dog license be valid in Australia?”
Kepler: “I will have to get a new one, because I’m going to officially change my name to one of Master’s nicknames for me. Sometimes he calls me Kanga because I jump so much and so high. It will be a good name for me in Australia, especially since I’m going to be a kangatarian.”
Henry: “Oh, Kepler, you always use too big words. What’s a kangatarian?”
Kepler: “A kangatarian is someone who eats roo meat. Technically, kangatarians are people who only eat vegetables and kangaroo meat. About 20% of Australians eat roo meat. I think roo meat might help me jump higher and get to things that are now just out of reach.” (See Kangatarians emerge in Australia.)

Kepler & Henry Chat

Henry: “You don’t know anybody in Australia, human or canine. How will you find friends and a new master?”
Kepler: “Henry, I was born scintillating! My natural charisma and magnetism will make it easy to make friends. There will be a long line of mates wanting to be my new master. I will choose carefully to get one where I can run things. I prefer to be the Alpha, rather than the Gamma like I am now.”
Henry: “But, Kepler, what will I do here by myself without you?”
Kepler: “Stay here and be Master’s dog. He will promote you from the Delta to the Gamma. Master will find a buddy for you at the pound to be the new Delta. Look for a Lab – Jack Russell mix.”
Henry: “Does Master know about your plan to move to Australia?”
Kepler: “Not yet. I’m trying to think of the best way to sell the idea to him.”
Henry: “Why don’t you sell it to him the same way you got the idea. Give him some kangaroo dog food to eat.”
Kepler: “Good idea, Henry. That just might work.”
Henry: “If it doesn’t work, maybe you can go through Missus. She can get him to do stuff nobody else can.”
Kepler: “True, but she’s unlikely to disagree with Master about this. We’ll see what happens.”
Henry: “Well, to use a big word I learned from you, Kepler, I don’t know about these grandiloquent plans of yours. My guess is that Master and Missus will veto them.”
Kepler: “I don’t think so. Master is quite reasonable and he will understand my viewpoint. Besides, you ought to consider coming with me, Henry. You are a Silky Terrier; that breed was developed in Australia by crossing the Australian terrier with the Yorkshire terrier. You might meet some of your relatives. Let’s go together. There’s enough roo meat for both of us down there. Woof! Woof!”

If my dreams of Australia come true, this may be my last blog post — unless I can work out a way for me to blog for Master from Down Under. Stay tuned.

So that’s how things look from the Dog House!

Till next time, this is Kepler signing off. Woof! Woof!

Questions to Ponder

1. What meat that you haven’t eaten would you most like to try?
2. Why did the Great Creator make so many different flavors, tastes, and textures?

Share your thoughts on these questions in the comments below. It could encourage or help another reader.

Soli Deo Gloria.

This is the 30th article in a series of blog posts on a precocious Jack Russell terrier named Kepler. Numbers 1-8 are by Kepler’s master, the BibleScienceGuy. Numbers 9-31 are by Kepler himself.
Read the prequels:
1. Why I Named Our Puppy “Kepler”
2. Kepler’s Kind
3. Kepler’s Lopsided Trade
4. Kepler’s Amazing Nose
5. Kepler’s Business Card
6. Kepler & the Psycho Squirrel (with video)
7. Taunting Kepler
8. Adam and Puppies

The following posts are by Kepler:
9. Who Taught Kepler?
10. Kepler Gets a Buddy (with video)
11. Kepler Chases a Squirrel (with video)
12. Kepler’s Complaint
13. Kepler’s To-Do List
14. Kepler and the Football Weekend
15. Kepler’s Favorite Store
16. Kepler at a Truck Stop
17. Kepler & Henry Catch a Squirrel
18. Kepler Finds Killdeer Eggs
19. Kepler Finds Robin Eggs
20. Kepler Lives to Tell the Tale
21. Kepler, Bears, & Raccoons
22. Kepler Mentors Henry
23. Kepler Gets a Bear
24. Kepler Finds Strange Eggs
25. Kepler Finds Duck Eggs
26. Kepler Gives Thanks
27. Kepler’s Newest Enemy
28. Kepler Loves Bulldogs
29. Kepler Ponders Snow

Read the sequel:
31. Kepler’s Dating Profile

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©William T. Pelletier, Ph.D.
“contending earnestly for the faith”
“destroying speculations against the knowledge of God”
“for the defense of the gospel”
(Jude 1:3; 2 Cor 10:5; Phil 1:16)
Wednesday March 14, 2018 A.D.

But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you;
And the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you.
Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you;
And let the fish of the sea declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
That the hand of the LORD has done this,
In whose hand is the life of every living thing,
And the breath of all mankind? (Job 12:7-10)