Posted by: BibleScienceGuy | April 11, 2018

Kepler’s Dating Profile

(4 Minute Read)

Kepler
My dating profile picture

Woof! Woof!
This is Kepler, Master’s Jack Russell terrier, writing another article for Master’s Bible-Science Guy Blog.

I think it’s time for me to be a father.

I want puppies of my own. My brother Finn is in Poland having the time of his life hunting and siring litters as fast as he can. I have more nephews and nieces than I can count — about 100 from a little over 20 Finn litters — but I want my own children.

Master tells me I can never be a father — why, I don’t know — but I want to try anyway. So I need to find a sweet girl doggy.

I started looking in the campgrounds we visit, because lots of campers have dogs. I met so many dogs, but none of the girl dogs wanted to be a mother for my puppies. Jersey, a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel who was especially cute, said that while making puppies is great fun, birthing and raising them is not. She declined.

After too much fruitless searching, I decided to talk over the problem with Master. Somehow he found someone to bear all his children (seven at last count), so I thought that he might give me useful counsel. Therefore I asked Master how he found Missus.

Master said that as a young man he didn’t expect to ever get married. He didn’t think he would ever find a woman who loved God, loved the Bible, and displayed a gentle, quiet, and teachable spirit. But when he didn’t expect it, the Great Creator brought her to him. He didn’t do any looking at all. The Great Creator brought Missus to him just as He did with their first parents six millenia earlier when He brought Eve to Adam.

So Master said he couldn’t give me any advice on finding a mother for my puppies. He suggested I ask Henry.

Henry is a Silky Terrier whom we adopted several years ago. He’s twice my age and is more experienced in the ways of the world than I. So I decided to talk over the problem with my buddy Henry:
Kepler: “I need to find a wife, Henry, but it’s not easy to find love. What should I do?”
Henry: “Why do you want a wife, Kepler? Don’t Master and Missus give us everything we need?”
Kepler: “Well, they give us food and exercise and a nice place to live.”
Henry: “And they take us on lots of trips and to places to smell things. And they let us chase squirrels and chipmunks. Some of our friends aren’t allowed to do that, you know.”
Kepler: “But they haven’t gotten a girl doggy for us yet. Did you know that they almost got a female German Shorthair Pointer puppy last summer? I was so excited. Missus wanted it real bad, but sadly Master’s common sense prevailed. He said we didn’t have room for another dog, especially not a big one.”
Henry: “Wow, I did not know that, Kepler. How do you know?”
Kepler: “I have great ears, and I listen to Master and Missus talking. I find out lots of things that way. Anyway, how can I find a girl doggy willing to mother my puppies?”
Henry: “Well, some people use online dating services to find spouses. You have to fill out a dating profile in order for girl doggies to find you. Why don’t you try DoggyMatch.com or K9Match.com and see if you get any nibbles?”

Some of my nephews and nieces
Two of Finn’s latest litters, age 9 weeks
Photo by breeder Magdalena Darlak in Poland

I thought Henry’s idea was great. So I completed a dating profile.

Kepler’s Dating Profile

Here’s the survey I completed for my doggy dating profile. Everybody, please share it with your favorite girl doggy and let me know of any interest in the comment section below.

Profile Userid – SquirrelKiller
Name – Kepler
(Prof. Johann Kepler is my full name)
Age – 4
Gender – Stud
Relationship status – Single but eager
Children – None yet
Color – White
Body art – Brown fur markings enhance my appeal
Where you live – House and Camper
Where you were born – Whelping box
Ethnicity – Parson Jack Russell terrier
Weight – 15 lbs
Height – 13 inches at my shoulder
Astrological Sign – If this is important to you, then you’re not for me.
Religion – Biblical Christianity
Education – Sit, Lie Down, Stay, etc.
Languages – Canine, English
Personality – Scintillating
What you do – Chase squirrels, Bark, Eat, Write blogs for Master
Income – None, but working on a bestseller book
Smoke? – Occasionally, when I get too close to Master’s campfire
Drink? What and when? – Water, whenever I’m thirsty
Physical appearance (from 1 ugly to 10 beautiful) – 12 (answering modestly)
Physique – Chiseled
Celebrity look-alike – Me
Mental acuity (from 1 dumb to 10 genius) – 15 (answering modestly)
Unique traits – I’m the only dog I know who can use a computer and write blog articles
Favorite foods – Kangaroo, Cow, Pig, Chicken, Table scraps
Favorite sport – Chasing rabbits, squirrels, and chipmunks
Looking for? – A beautiful girl doggy to bear my puppies
4 words to describe you – Smart, Energetic, SuperCapable, Modest
Political affiliation – Right/Correct
How strongly do you agree/disagree with President Trump? – Completely
How strongly do you agree/disagree with Hillary Clinton? – Completely

After I completed my dating profile, I looked through the online catalog for girl doggy prospects. This dating profile picture of a dog named Nipper caught my attention right away.

Wow! Definitely beautiful! I showed it to Henry to see what he thought. I was surprised how insistent Henry was that pursuing Nipper was not a good idea.

Henry: “That’s a catfish, Kepler.”
Kepler: “Huh? How can a dog be a catfish? That doesn’t make any sense.”
Henry:Catfishing is the creation of a fake identity on a social network for dishonest purposes. That’s a picture of a long-dead famous dog. You don’t want to pursue that one. You’ll lose your skin, possibly quite literally. You have such beautiful fur that they might skin you and sell you as a stuffed animal.”

Missus says Henry is a very well-adjusted dog, so I guess I’ll listen to him this time. I’ll keep looking and keep my fur coat.

Till next time, this is Kepler signing off. Woof! Woof!

Questions to Ponder

1. What blessing has God brought to your life that you did not seek?
2. If your pets could understand your conversations, would they hear the Great Creator being honored and glorified?

Share your thoughts on these questions in the comments below. It could encourage or help another reader.

Soli Deo Gloria.

This is the 31st article in a series of blog posts on a precocious Jack Russell terrier named Kepler. Numbers 1-8 are by Kepler’s master, the BibleScienceGuy. Numbers 9-30 are by Kepler himself.
Read the prequels:
1. Why I Named Our Puppy “Kepler”
2. Kepler’s Kind
3. Kepler’s Lopsided Trade
4. Kepler’s Amazing Nose
5. Kepler’s Business Card
6. Kepler & the Psycho Squirrel
(with video)
7. Taunting Kepler
8. Adam and Puppies

The following posts are by Kepler:
9. Who Taught Kepler?
10. Kepler Gets a Buddy
(with video)
11. Kepler Chases a Squirrel (with video)
12. Kepler’s Complaint
13. Kepler’s To-Do List
14. Kepler and the Football Weekend
15. Kepler’s Favorite Store
16. Kepler at a Truck Stop
17. Kepler & Henry Catch a Squirrel
18. Kepler Finds Killdeer Eggs
19. Kepler Finds Robin Eggs
20. Kepler Lives to Tell the Tale
21. Kepler, Bears, & Raccoons
22. Kepler Mentors Henry
23. Kepler Gets a Bear
24. Kepler Finds Strange Eggs
25. Kepler Finds Duck Eggs
26. Kepler Gives Thanks
27. Kepler’s Newest Enemy
28. Kepler Loves Bulldogs
29. Kepler Ponders Snow
30. Kepler Wants to Move to Australia

Read the sequel:
32. Kepler Meets Skunk

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©William T. Pelletier, Ph.D.
“contending earnestly for the faith”
“destroying speculations against the knowledge of God”
“for the defense of the gospel”
(Jude 1:3; 2 Cor 10:5; Phil 1:16)
Wednesday April 11, 2018 A.D.

But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you;
And the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you.
Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you;
And let the fish of the sea declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
That the hand of the LORD has done this,
In whose hand is the life of every living thing,
And the breath of all mankind?
(Job 12:7-10)

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Responses

  1. Hello ,
    I saw your tweet about animals and thought I will check your website. I like it!
    I love pets. I have two beautiful thai cats called Tammy(female) and Yommo(male). Yommo is 1 year older than Tommy. He acts like a bigger brother for her. 🙂
    I have even created an Instagram account for them and probably soon they will have more followers than me (kinda funny).
    I have subscribed to your newsletter. 🙂
    Keep up the good work on your blog.
    Regards
    Wiki

    Like

  2. Oh, Kepler, it’s so great to hear from you again. For a dog, you are a very good writer. And so modest, too. I pray you find the joys God has for you, with or without the female dog you are dreaming of. God bless you!

    My dog Roosevelt suffers the same loneliness. He feels your pain.

    By the way, Kepler, I am so glad to see your stance on astrological signs. I wish more Christians displayed the same attitude. Perhaps you could write an article explaining how you adopted this view?

    Anyway, thanks again.

    Best Regards,
    (and prayers that you will be rewarded for your good writing),

    Gwennon

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for reading and commenting, Gwennon. I appreciate your thoughts.
      It sounds like you hadn’t heard from me for a while, but I wrote Kepler Wants to Move to Australia just a month ago. Sadly, Master vetoed my plans.
      Sorry about Roosevelt’s loneliness. I don’t experience that because Henry and I play together all day long. Maybe you should get a companion for Roosevelt.
      Yes, I don’t believe in astrology. Master says it is complete foolishness.
      Woof! Woof! – Kepler

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Kepler, thanks for the kind comments.

    I’m glad you have Henry to keep you company.

    For some time, I have been campaigning for another dog to join the family, but my husband tells me this is not the time. I am hoping maybe next year might be. Meantime, Roosevelt and I read our Bible (ok, my Bible) together, and eat dark chocolate together, and he seems fine with that for now.

    Like


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