Posted by: BibleScienceGuy | September 16, 2020

Kepler’s AK-47

(4 Minute Read. 16Sep2020)

Woof! Woof!
This is Kepler, Master’s Jack Russell terrier, writing another article for Master’s Bible-Science Guy Blog.

I can’t believe it! Maybe you will find it hard to believe as well.

Master got another water gun!

This one looks like an AK-47. It is a pump-action assault-rifle water gun. Master blasts me with it when I disobey his Quiet command and keep barking.

But often I just have to bark! Squirrels, chipmunks, fluffy dogs, running kids, remote-control cars, yelling bicyclists, skateboards, golf carts, people walking up to our campfire — all require loud and insistent barking to alert Master and Missus. It’s my job. But then I get zapped with a stream of water if I don’t stop when Master says, “Quiet.” Then I have to lick and shake off the wet water. I hate getting squirted with wet water, especially when it gets in my nose.

Master now has three pump-action assault-rifle water guns. Normally he’s quite frugal, so I don’t know why he keeps getting more. He claims it’s so one is always handy within reach to shoot me when I bark. And I know that he likes back-ups. He wants a second back-up in case the first back-up fails. I wonder how many back-ups will be enough.

Unlike his first two water guns, this new pump-action assault-rifle water gun has a removable stock and a removable magazine. He can use it either as a pump-action assault rifle or a pump-action assault pistol.

I know why Master needs to squirt me — it’s because I won’t obey his Quiet command. He doesn’t want us to be ejected from a campground for nuisance barking. Master said he disciplines me just as fathers discipline their sons and as God disciplines His children:
My son, do not despise the discipline of the LORD nor be weary of His reproof. For whom the LORD loves He reproves, even as a father the son in whom he delights.
(Proverbs 3:11-12)
Behold, how happy is the man whom God reproves,
So do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.
(Job 5:17)

My Food

I don’t always agree with Master’s ideas — certainly not about the pump-action assault-rifle water guns. Another example where I disagree with Master is my food. I’ve been on half-rations for as long as I can remember.

Respecting Master’s water gun, I am quiet.

My dinner bowl is plenty big, but Master only fills it half full! There’s a reason the bowl is that big. It’s supposed to be full!

I must admit that I do get a small breakfast every morning when I wash the breakfast dishes. I love bacon grease and remnants of eggs and oatmeal and whatever else Master and Missus have for breakfast. I get another snack when I do their supper dishes. I lick their plates, bowls, and pans completely clean. You would never know they had even been used — I do such a supererogatory job! But Missus always insists on washing them anyway after I finish. She says my work is a big help, but she has to finish up.

For most things, Master likes order and neatness — except for eggs. He likes them scrambled — go figure. Anyway, I lick the bowl Missus uses to scramble his eggs. I love raw egg! Missus likes hers fried, so I get to lick up the yellow egg goop from her plate that she can’t get with her fork.

Master likes to enhance his steel cut oats with caramel, walnuts, and fruit (apples or blueberries or strawberries or peaches or cherries or bananas or raisins). But best of all he has started adding in chunks of sausage! Every morning I hope to find an overlooked bit of sausage when I wash his bowl, but so far I’ve only found oatmeal scrapings flavored with sausage grease.

Missus laughed when she learned I looked for sausage tidbits in Master’s oatmeal bowl. She told me to stop hoping to find sausage. She said Master will NEVER leave any in his bowl. He scrapes and scrapes and scrapes his bowls and plates much more than necessary. You can tell why I like to wash Missus’ dishes more than Master’s dishes.

Based on the success of his sausage-in-oatmeal idea, Master has plans for more oatmeal ingredients: ham chunks, bacon bits, hotdog hunks, butterscotch chips. I just hope I get some of them! But Missus says I won’t — at least not from Master’s bowl.

One of Master’s good friends has a slightly different oatmeal recipe which I hope Master will try soon: rolled oats mixed with cinnamon, peanut butter powder, and honey. Then either add boiling water or microwave for one minute. Add walnuts, raisins, and yogurt and top with frozen fruit. Yummy!

My very own Chair!

My Chair

Despite having some loser ideas like the pump-action assault-rifle water guns, Master sometimes has good ideas — like adding sausage chunks to oatmeal, and like letting me wash dishes.

He had another great idea recently. He got me my very own camp chair. And it’s quality — made by Eddie Bauer!

I love my new chair. Nobody sits in it but me. I’m up high enough to feel the warmth from our campfire. I jump into it to take naps off the cold ground. And I can keep an eye on things much better up in my chair. It’s mesh, so I can see through the back even when I’m lying down.

I have to be careful though. Sometimes I jump into my chair so vigorously that it goes right over, spilling me onto the ground. That’s a bit scary.

Master and I had a bit of a logomachy over it. I wanted to call it my “throne”, but Master said “chair” was good enough.

Missus says the chair has had a calming influence on me. I spend hours every day either sleeping in it (and not barking) or watching campground life go past.

My Compliments

I’m thankful Master does not take one of his pump-action assault-rifle water guns with us when we do our campground patrols. That would embarrass me, as I have a “model-dog” reputation in the campground.

I get lots of compliments when Master and Missus and I walk around the campground. On almost every campground walk several people say to Master, “I love your dog!” Even though Missus is stunningly beautiful, and Master loves her even more than he loves me, Master gets more compliments on me than he does on her! I never hear anyone tell Master, “I love your wife!

These compliments make me feel very good, but Master says to be careful and not let them go to my head. He says everything we have is a gift from the Great Creator — my looks and smarts and nose are from Him; it’s nothing that I did.
For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?
(1 Corinthians 4:7 ESV)
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights. (James 1:17)

So that’s how things look from my Dog House!

Till next time, this is Kepler signing off. Woof! Woof!

Question Mark Cufflinks

Questions to Ponder

1. What command of the Great Creator is hard for you to obey?
2. When you receive a compliment, do you mentally thank the Great Creator for His gift?

Share your thoughts on these questions in the comments below. It could encourage or help another reader.

For Christ and His Kingdom. Soli Deo Gloria. Alere Flammam Veritatis.

This is the 44th article in a series of blog posts on a precocious Jack Russell terrier named Kepler. Numbers 1-8 are by Kepler’s master, the BibleScienceGuy. Numbers 9-45 are by Kepler himself.
Read the prequels:
1. Why I Named Our Puppy “Kepler”
2. Kepler’s Kind
3. Kepler’s Lopsided Trade
4. Kepler’s Amazing Nose
5. Kepler’s Business Card
6. Kepler & the Psycho Squirrel
(with video)
7. Taunting Kepler
8. Adam and Puppies

The following prequels are by Kepler:
9. Who Taught Kepler?
10. Kepler Gets a Buddy
(with video)
11. Kepler Chases a Squirrel (with video)
12. Kepler’s Complaint
13. Kepler’s To-Do List
14. Kepler and the Football Weekend
15. Kepler’s Favorite Store
16. Kepler at a Truck Stop
17. Kepler & Henry Catch a Squirrel
18. Kepler Finds Killdeer Eggs
19. Kepler Finds Robin Eggs
20. Kepler Lives to Tell the Tale
21. Kepler, Bears, & Raccoons
22. Kepler Mentors Henry
23. Kepler Gets a Bear
24. Kepler Finds Strange Eggs
25. Kepler Finds Duck Eggs
26. Kepler Gives Thanks
27. Kepler’s Newest Enemy
28. Kepler Loves Bulldogs
29. Kepler Ponders Snow
30. Kepler Wants to Move to Australia
31. Kepler’s Dating Profile
32. Kepler Meets Skunk
33. Kepler Wants to Be Good
34. Kepler on Guard
35. Kepler Chews On Grammar
36. Kepler for President
37. Kepler for President: Grins & Growls #1
38. Kepler for President: Grins & Growls #2
39. Kepler’s Water Guns
40. Kepler Remembers Henry
(with video)
41. Kepler Gives a Virus Briefing
42. Kepler’s Campaign Advice
43. Kepler Ponders Senescence

Read the sequel:
45. Kepler Talks Turkey (with video)

Bible-Science Guy logo

Subscribe – Don’t miss future blog posts!
Click the sidebar’s “SUBSCRIBE” button to follow the
Bible-Science Guy Blog. You’ll automatically receive
new posts free by email. Click SUBSCRIBE NOW!

Click Best of Bible-Science Guy for lists of the best Bible-Science Guy posts of each year.
Click Bible-Science Guy Table of Contents for a list of all blog posts starting in October 2007.

©William T. Pelletier, Ph.D.
“contending earnestly for the faith”
“destroying speculations against the knowledge of God”
“for the defense of the gospel”
(Jude 1:3; 2 Cor 10:5; Phil 1:16)
Wednesday September 16, 2020 A.D.

But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you;
And the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you.
Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you;
And let the fish of the sea declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
That the hand of the LORD has done this,
In whose hand is the life of every living thing,
And the breath of all mankind?
(Job 12:7-10)

Disclaimer: BibleScienceGuy has no control over any advertising that may appear and receives no payment or consideration for it. Ads & “Related” links come from WordPress, not from BibleScienceGuy.


  1. Priceless! Kepler is such a great writer, you might consider letting him take over the blog. He would certainly get my German Shepherd’s stamp of approval. Another excellent post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Missus Gwennon, Woof! Woof! Thanks so much for reading my post and for your encouraging words! I would love to take over Master’s blog, but he only occasionally lets me write a post for him. Does your German Shepherd write for your blog? I would like to nose him. — Kepler

      Liked by 1 person

What do you think? Leave a comment. Please pray for the worldwide impact of the Bible-Science Guy ministry!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.


%d bloggers like this: