Kepler’s Favorite Store

(4 Minute Read)

Kepler

Woof! Woof! This is Kepler again, Master’s Parson Russell terrier. I’m writing another article for Master’s blog.

Master is the BibleScienceGuy, and he has been encouraging me to write more. He says folks like the way I think and like to hear what I have to say.

Today I want to tell you about a recent trip to the store. Most stores won’t let me inside, but this one does, and it’s my favorite.

On the way to the store, Master stopped to get a McEgg Thingy for him and the Missus. But he didn’t get one for me, even though I begged!

My Favorite Store

It’s PetSmart, paws down. It’s the best store ever. It has everything you would ever need — all kinds of delicious food and treats and soft beds and toys. It also has lots of things I feel I don’t need — like leashes, tethers, remote zappers, and prong collars.

I love to cruise the food aisles and snack on spills. It reminds me of the Bible verse, “You shall not muzzle the ox while he is threshing” (Deuteronomy 25:4), because I help keep the store neat and clean. I know how to ask for a milkbone treat at the checkout, and I always get at least one.

Smelling all this yummy food in the store makes me thankful for my Creator Yahweh’s tender provision for us creatures. Recently I heard Master reading this Bible verse about animals, and it sure made my tail wag!
They all wait for You
To give them their food in due season.
You give to them, they gather it up;
You open Your hand, they are satisfied with good. (Psalm 104:27-28)

Recently when we visited PetSmart there was a crowd around the fish tanks. Employees were feeding the fish and cleaning tanks — why I don’t know — they have water in them all the time.

Why do people like fish for pets? You can’t pet them, they won’t heel, you can’t take them for a walk. The only command they obey is “Wiggle.”

But, to be completely honest, I actually like fish — in my food bowl. Tuna is my favorite and then salmon. That’s about all fish are good for in my opinion — eating. But I’ve noticed that people don’t eat fish from their aquariums.

PetSmart also sells mice, rats, rabbits, hamsters, and guinea pigs. That’s just not right. My Creator designed me to catch, kill, and eat those things — not coddle them as pets.

Grand Opening

When we went to a PetSmart Grand Opening, I was amazed at the lines of people waiting for the store to open. They had one line for dog owners and another for cat owners.

Master and I got in the dog line right behind a huge drooling St. Bernard and a giggling blonde with a toy poodle named Muffie. Soon right behind us came a curly-haired dachshund whose owner had chartreuse hair, black lipstick, and long lavender fingernails. A Marine with his antsy doberman and a grandma holding a yappy Pomeranian soon followed. Our owners got to talking as we all waited for the doors to open:
Marine (to Grandma): “Ma’am, what is that you’re holding? Shouldn’t you be in the cat line?”
Grandma: “Thank you for your service to our country, sir, but Fluffy is a dog.”
Marine (quietly to Master): “And to think I risked my life fighting for people’s freedom to have a dog like that.”

Chartreuse Girl was wearing a PETA tee shirt, and Master couldn’t resist baiting her, even though he knew the acronym stood for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.
Master: “You know, I sure like animals too. I love them with barbecue sauce right next to the mashed potatoes on my plate.”
Chartreuse Girl (rolling her eyes): “How can you say such a thing? Don’t you see that I’m wearing a PETA shirt?”
Master: “Doesn’t that acronym stand for People Eating Tasty Animals?”
Chartreuse Girl was not amused and sashayed to the back of the line to avoid further discussion with us.

St. Bernard Man (to Master): “Can that little white dog do anything?”
Master: “Kepler can do a lot more than you would think. He protects our campsites against marauding coyotes and chihuahuas. He catches small game and can be trained to hunt deer like Bambi’s parents. His brother lives in Poland where he hunts deer and boars. He holds a boar at bay for hunters by circling and hanging on to the boar’s tail if it tries to run off.”
Blondie: “Oh, no! I love Bambi. Deer are so gentle, sweet, and graceful. Your dog wouldn’t hurt deer, would he?”
Master: “Kepler appreciates deer. He likes venison which deer make for him to eat.”
Blondie: “Oh, that’s nice. Just so he doesn’t hurt them. I take Muffie to the park, but she never chases anything. She doesn’t even like to walk on dirt or grass, so I carry her or push her in a stroller.”

Kepler Holds Chipmunk Prey

I could have told her that Muffie was useless. Any dog with pink bows, frilly skirt, and painted toenails is an embarrassment to its kind.

Dog Food

Master is a genius at dealing with salesmen, and I love to listen. A PetSmart salesman tried to get Master to buy a 50-lb bag of dog food kibble that was on sale for $5 off because the expiration date was only three months away.
Master: “Fifty pounds of dog food kibble will last 5 months for my two dogs, assuming I don’t supplement with table scraps. That’s two months beyond the expiration date.”
Salesman: “But you’ll save $5!”
Master: “Not really, because 20 lbs will be left after the expiration date.”
Salesman: “It’s not really an expiration date. It’s a ‘Best Used By’ date. You can still safely feed the food well after the date. Your dogs won’t mind. And you will save $5. It’s a great deal.”
(I barked at him here for saying, “Your dogs won’t mind.”)
Master: “Would you eat hamburger that was past the ‘Best Used By’ date?”
Salesman: “That’s different. Besides, you could use up the kibble on time by doubling the portion size. I’m sure your dogs wouldn’t object.”
(I agreed with him here and got excited about maybe getting more food.)
Master: “So you’re recommending that I overfeed my dogs and make them obese, thereby giving them diabetes and joint problems?”
Salesman: “Well, no. I guess I’ll find someone with a big dog that can eat 50 pounds in three months. Have a nice day, sir.”

The way Master works it with salesmen, he never has to turn them down; they always walk away from him.

The Creator made each creature,
from amoeba to man, for its own
place and purpose in Creation.

Master feeds me vitamin enriched, high protein kibble with good fat content mixed with table scraps (which I love). My meals are very healthy, and I recommend them for dogs and humans.

At the store I saw Master studying the nutrition information on some of the premium dog food kibble bags. I could tell he was thinking about eating it (he’s always thinking). I have suggested to Master that he and Missus should change their diet to eat dog food. Based on the nutrition info on kibble bags, it would be healthier for them to eat the same food I eat, and it would be more economical. It would also tremendously simplify food storage and meal preparation. Master and Missus could just add milk and eat nutritious kibble like cereal. But they haven’t made the change yet.

So that’s how things look from the Dog House!
Till next time, this is Kepler signing off. Woof! Woof!

Questions to Ponder

1. Every creature glorifies its Creator. How do your pets glorify the Creator?
2. Jesus directed attention to the birds of the air as a vivid illustration of God’s faithful care over His creatures (Matthew 6:25-26). How can pets help us trust the Lord?

Share your thoughts on these questions in the comments below. It could encourage or help another reader.

Soli Deo Gloria.

This is the 15th article in a series of blog posts on our Jack Russell terrier Kepler. Numbers 9-15 are by Kepler.
Read the prequels:
1. Why I Named Our Puppy “Kepler”
2. Kepler’s Kind
3. Kepler’s Lopsided Trade
4. Kepler’s Amazing Nose
5. Kepler’s Business Card
6. Kepler & the Psycho Squirrel (with video)
7. Taunting Kepler
8. Adam and Puppies

The following posts are by Kepler:
9. Who Taught Kepler?
10. Kepler Gets a Buddy (with video)
11. Kepler Chases a Squirrel
12. Kepler’s Complaint
13. Kepler’s To-Do List
14. Kepler and the Football Weekend

Read the sequel:
16. Kepler at a Truck Stop

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©William T. Pelletier, Ph.D.
“contending earnestly for the faith”
“destroying speculations against the knowledge of God”
“for the defense of the gospel”
(Jude 1:3; 2 Cor 10:5; Phil 1:16)
Wednesday February 22, 2017 A.D.

But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you;
And the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you.
Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you;
And let the fish of the sea declare to you.
Who among all these does not know
That the hand of the LORD has done this,
In whose hand is the life of every living thing,
And the breath of all mankind? (Job 12:7-10)